The Domestic Violence Caller

Ring...Ring... "How may I help you?"

"I only have a little bit of time to talk. My husband has gone out to the store and will be back in about an hour. I really feel like I need to talk to someone. My husband hit me and knocked me down last night. This is only the second time he has struck out at me in 4 years but I told him last time that I would not tolerate physical violence. He really is a good guy. I just make him angry. I know it's my fault. Sometimes I just say the wrong thing. He was really sorry this morning and apologized. He was crying, too. I know he doesn't mean it but he says if I would just listen to him everything would be better. He made me coffee and breakfast this morning. I don't know what to do...I love him and I am really confused."

She is crying and tearful throughout her conversation. Thoughts run through my head stay calm, be supportive and non-judgmental of her or her husband, acknowledge that they are in very difficult and scary situation, and communicate concern for her safety.

"It really sounds like a scary and confusing situation you are in. I am a little concerned about your safety and the nature of your relationship. I am concerned that you may become more isolated and more at risk of being harmed."

"I'm ok now...He is really sorry but I'm afraid that something might happen in the future. He really doesn't want me spending time with anyone else and it seems that he wants to know where I am at all the time. I think it's getting worse. I'm scared."

"I would like you to see someone who specializes in domestic violence."

"I am not a victim of domestic violence."

"I know those words seem extreme but some of the dynamics in your relationship are patterns of domestic violence. He has been physically violent to you at least twice in the past 4 years and it appears there are other dynamics in your relationship that demonstrate the cycle of violence. Would you being willing to talk with someone who could help you figure out what to do and understand your husband and relationship better?"

"Okay..."

"It also appears that last night was very scary and I would like to talk with you about a plan for safety. Here is the phone number for the domestic violence hotline, 911 and the number to the confidential shelter. Talk to a friend or family member about the possibility of needing to stay with them on short notice, let's talk tomorrow to see how the connection with the domestic violence program went and don't hesitate to call me anytime for further support and direction."

• 1 out of 3 women around the world have been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.
• 37% of all women who sought care in hospital emergency rooms for violence–related injuries were injured by a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend.
• Some estimates say almost 1 million incidents of violence occur against a current or former spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend per year.

Once again, this was not the entire discussion but some highlights of a high risk caller.