Self-Disclosure & Healing
As therapists, we generally are cast as the support-person, the listeners, the helpers, the objective re-framers and other client-focused “providers”. Clinicians, some more than others, tend not to self-disclose much with their clients; some prefer to keep their own feelings, life trials and even personal mental health experiences separate from the therapy relationship. Like most aspects of the client-therapist relationship there are no real hard and fast boundaries about how to act, what to say, what to reveal, when to set limits, etc; it is the art of therapy and the clinician experience that determines how the relationship develops.
Therapist self-disclosing can be an effective teaching opportunity that has real, human information and it can be a tremendously powerful client-therapist relationship building tool, remembering always that self-disclosure has its limits and the therapy session is for the client. I have personally known clinicians that quickly get caught up in self-disclosure to the degree the roles in therapy become reversed and therapist’s personal issues become the primary focus of the sessions; not good.
For example, recently my family learned my mother has been diagnosed with cancer; she is 76 years old. I am very fortunate to have a loving family with generally healthy siblings and parents; none of us really ever experiencing any tremendous life tragedies. Perhaps this is one reason the “news” has been emotionally devastating to me. My emotions have been flooding in since learning of her cancer diagnosis. I am scared for her, scared for me, scared for my Dad, wondering how I will balance being the ever-supportive “helper” and at the same time taking care of myself. I am preoccupied with all of this, at times finding myself in a daze when driving down the road or other times when I am generally attentive and focused. I have this ever-streaming thought process going on, saying to myself, “I want to know the outcome, I want to fix it, I know I can’t fix it, she’ll pull through this, am I ready to deal with this, how will I deal with this, why?, I will be there for her, she can count on me” and on and on. I know my Mom wants to fight for a cure, fight for more time. I want more time with my Mom yet I want to be unselfish as well. This is one of my life trials, perhaps the biggest yet for me. Deep down I know I can’t control this outcome, I am trying to settle for “maybe I can influence the outcome” through my support to her, my love for her, to my Dad, staying optimistic, praying for her/for us. My partner once told me, “Thoughts are things”. I will be trying to center on healing thoughts.
I hope you can see that struggling is part of our humanness, even healers need to heal and self-disclosure can open the path for others to become helpers too. When you may think that your life-challenges are overwhelming, unbearable or misunderstood, let someone know your pain, your struggle. By allowing ourselves to share our experiences we may influence the nature of our relationships and perhaps even the outcome of our struggle.
Therapist self-disclosing can be an effective teaching opportunity that has real, human information and it can be a tremendously powerful client-therapist relationship building tool, remembering always that self-disclosure has its limits and the therapy session is for the client. I have personally known clinicians that quickly get caught up in self-disclosure to the degree the roles in therapy become reversed and therapist’s personal issues become the primary focus of the sessions; not good.
For example, recently my family learned my mother has been diagnosed with cancer; she is 76 years old. I am very fortunate to have a loving family with generally healthy siblings and parents; none of us really ever experiencing any tremendous life tragedies. Perhaps this is one reason the “news” has been emotionally devastating to me. My emotions have been flooding in since learning of her cancer diagnosis. I am scared for her, scared for me, scared for my Dad, wondering how I will balance being the ever-supportive “helper” and at the same time taking care of myself. I am preoccupied with all of this, at times finding myself in a daze when driving down the road or other times when I am generally attentive and focused. I have this ever-streaming thought process going on, saying to myself, “I want to know the outcome, I want to fix it, I know I can’t fix it, she’ll pull through this, am I ready to deal with this, how will I deal with this, why?, I will be there for her, she can count on me” and on and on. I know my Mom wants to fight for a cure, fight for more time. I want more time with my Mom yet I want to be unselfish as well. This is one of my life trials, perhaps the biggest yet for me. Deep down I know I can’t control this outcome, I am trying to settle for “maybe I can influence the outcome” through my support to her, my love for her, to my Dad, staying optimistic, praying for her/for us. My partner once told me, “Thoughts are things”. I will be trying to center on healing thoughts.
I hope you can see that struggling is part of our humanness, even healers need to heal and self-disclosure can open the path for others to become helpers too. When you may think that your life-challenges are overwhelming, unbearable or misunderstood, let someone know your pain, your struggle. By allowing ourselves to share our experiences we may influence the nature of our relationships and perhaps even the outcome of our struggle.
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